In an effort to be more forgiving of myself as a writer, I will be putting up more of my writing. With many calming breaths I will hit publish on this. At some point I would love to feel comfortable enough to share my experience as a domestic abuse survivor. Posting this very raw prose piece I hope will help me feel more comfortable with digging deeper and really opening up through writing.

TRIGGER WARNING: this piece deals with domestic abuse.

It never happened
No possible way to breathe
Your massive hands I loved
When they were inside me
Caressing me
Your massive hands
Pinched my nose shut
Pushed over my mouth
Black dots swirling in my vision
This is how I will die
I will die looking at you
Looking at the face I love
The face I stared into
When my hands gripped your hair
When you were inside me
Making me scream
My screams cut off my breath cut off
I love you mom I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you
It never happened
The sound of bone snapping
Arm limp and twisted as it fell out of
Your grasp
The grasp I craved around my hips
On my breasts
My screams
The flowers
you were sorry
So sorry
It will never happen again
It never happened
The pillow over my face
The kick down the stairs
The knife to my throat
The Russian roulette
I am okay
It never happened

10 thoughts on “IT NEVER HAPPENED

  1. Gave me chills. I’m currently running a domestic and family violence group with the women in program and this hits home on so many levels. For them and for myself. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • I have been thinking of going into social work. I feel like the experiences I’ve had, and the way that I got out of them, could be of help to others. The work you do is so amazing.

  2. No words can express how this makes me feel. I love you and no one ever wants someone they love to have to endure this hell. No one should ever go through this.

    • I’ve been out of that hell for 4 years now, Mom; but but I’m sure- just like I have PTSD from what happened to me- the effects of that person’s behavior still linger for you and I will always feel awful about that. Even though I still deal with the symptoms from being traumatized, I am out of that situation and you’ll never have to worry about me like that again. Love you, I didn’t even think you’d be reading this. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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